Food as drugs

Food for me is like prescription drugs for others. If you stay on your drug regime the drugs work and you are, at least, better than being off drugs. If I stay on my limited diet my digestive system works and behaves itself most of the time.

But then every now and then I get hungry and have food experiment meals, some I know from past experiences aren't good and produce adverse reactions, and some I don't know because it's been too long ago when I last ate them.

And almost always, the reactions aren't good for 2-3 days minimum and sometimes 3-5 days and even a week. And yet I keep trying foods I know may or will make me sick. Like drugs for some, my diet is my drug to be normal.

And I hate it, not to eat like everyone else, to read a menu or stand before a gourment deli counter knowing everything is bad for me, and to know food is the enemy of my body. I hate it sucks and I hate myself along with it.

I'm Lucky

In a sense I'm lucky. Not that I want these conditions, but if it weren't for the fact I have Syncope, fainting at the sight of blood, I would cut all the fat from my body, and if it weren't for the fact I get sick and faint when I throwup, I'd be bulimic. Instead I'm just fat and I hate my body.