Mind and Body

It's what people like to talk about, the mind-body connections. And while much is personal view, commercial hype or whatever cow pasture material the person is saying, some of it is true because it's the whole of ourself. We are thoroughly connected between our mind and body, and when one is the major controlling drive, the other just tags along trying to cope and get through life.

And obviously I'm no different. In my case, the body rules the mind. It's always been no matter how hard I try to think over, around or through some physical issue or condition. When the body isn't feeling good or feeling like crap, I don't think right or well, and if things get worse or last a long time, I begin to hate my body and myself. It's what's been happening for 8-plus months now.

And the rigors of the medical system isn't always about actually helping the patient but simply treating the symptoms, the conditions, and on occasion, the actual cause. This what some physicians write about with the stories about months of trying to heal a patients to often find it's a simple one with a simple cure. And all the while the patient feels like crap.

Well, mine isn't serious, just problematic enough to feel like crap most days with a few hours of some days feeling decent and maybe good. When basic functions go awry, the body has little else to do but react with pain and hurt and you react with anger and depression. You just want to get better and that won't happen.

And what worse is that you have to eat to stay alive, and especially healthy. Except when you find yourself wanting to eat but fearing food and eating. You know food is your enemy. Food everyone eats, and doesn't have one issue or problem except how good it tastes. But your body doesn't. Your mind loves the food, the tastes, the flavors, the textures, and everything else. And then the food attacks your body and your body attacks your mind.

And all the doctors can say after all the tests is, "Well, we can't find anything physically wrong." There is a myriad of other tests left open to try, but all they want to do is eliminate each one in succession, to be safe and cautious and slowly remove all the possible obvious causes. But nothing changes except the hate your body has for food. And the anger your mind has with your body.

And on it goes. Long after hope disappeared. Only the acceptance the mind-body is at war with itself.