Not Losing

Today I had my routine appointment with my therapist in Seattle and on the drive home I realized sometimes it's not about winning but simply not losing. We always seem to want or strive to win every mental or emotional battle. It's our nature, and when we're overwhelmed, we discover, in the most stark way, the reality, our reality, we can't win and won't win no matter how hard we fight.

And with enough of these battles, I come to the realization it's sometimes not about winning, but just not losing. It's what I call treading (mental) water when and where I can simply just exist and hope our demons find their way back into my memory for awhile, to stay quiet long enough, just long enough, to stay sane.

And just maybe find some modicum of happiness about myself, about life and about being alive. About being alive enough to stay alive, not wanting to lose. Sometimes winning isn't about actually winning, it's about not losing.