What I want

What I want sometimes is to believe what I think and feel is right. But I know it's not true. So why do I still believe it?

Death

Death is the way to leave life we wanted to leave long before but were afraid to leave sooner by our own hand.

Hate

Why do we think hate is a bad thing except when we point it at ourself?

What's in Between

Being born and dying aren't choices. The space and time in between is a choice To live or not. To be alive or just exist until we die.

Do?

Do skinny people hate themselves for being skinny and not being better as much as I hate myself for being fat and not being able to lose the fat because nothing has and can change it?

A Life

This is the only life you'll have. The only life you'll ever know. It's yours, no one else's. A life never before and never again. So, what if you don't like your life and yourself? What choices do you have? And what choice will you make? Or will you just exist until you die? Knowing you hated every minute of it?

The Grand Canyon

Who I see myself as and what I want to be is so distant from who I really am there is a grand canyon between them no bridge could span the distance in my lifetime or years I could spend making them meet. I can only stand on the south rim looking at the north rim wanting so much to be there and yet knowing I never will.

Not even falling into the abyss of the canyon, fording the flooding river of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and climbing to the other rim, higher than the one I left, will get me there. It is the reality of my existence and the question is accepting that reality or not, and if not, following the path into the abyss, not knowing what is ahead or even if I'll get over to the other rim.

That's the choice, standing there on the south rim looking north, what I am to what I want to be.

Forever Hiding

When you hide within yourself all your life, how will you know who you are when you decide to quit hiding? When you've driven yourself so deeply into yourself you don't even know if you can find yourself, and when you think you do, how will you know it's you? Do you think you can even know?

What's been driving the hiding all these years, your whole life? Fear, hate, anger, no self-respect or self-confidence? What? What does it take to overcome the reasons and forces keeping the hiding? And is forever a lifetime, to death, to realize it was all for naught?

A Time

There comes a point in time in your life when you realize your past is just that, no matter what you think of it or how you would like to change it if only in your mind. It is and there is nothing you can do but keep it and live with it. It's yours, no one else's, not necessarily unique in most ways, but unique in a few that's yours, only because of being yourself then as you are now.

And at that point in time, when you realize it's all you have, your past. What then? If you hate it? If you hate yourself? What do you say then? It can't be undone or be different. It can't be relived? It can't be anything other that what it was and your are because of it. Hate it all you want, you can't disown it without disowning yourself.

Are you ready for that? And if not, what?

Hopefulness

Sometimes, when all feels lost or overwhelming, hope is all we have, and sometimes that hope is only the hope we'll find the hope for something better, just hope, and sometimes that's all we can hope for, hope itself.

A Little Every Day

We die a little every day, some days more than most, and a day closer to our death.