I Want to Eat

I want to eat so bad it hurts. Because I know it would physically hurt so bad I'd be sick for several days. Which is why I want to eat. For the food. For the act of eating. And for the feeling of being full. But I can't. I have to snack during the day on a restricted diet because almost all foods hurt and any quantity above a diet portion hurts more. Which is why I'm hungry all the time.

I hurt mentally because I can't eat and I hurt physically when I do eat. I love seeing, smelling and tasting food. Well, most foods anyway. I don't like a lot of sour or bitter foods. I don't like a lot of strange food. I don't like a lot of spicy foods. Mostly just good basic foods and some types of cuisine.

But all of it is off limits anymore. And that hurts even more. Just the idea of the food hurts because I can't eat it. I love walking through delicatessens, bakeries, cafes with freshly made breakfast and lunch meals. I love sandwiches, hamburgers, potato chips, salads, and so on down the list of great summer foods. I love to barbecue and make roast chicken.

And while it all hurts if I eat it, I still want to eat it. But the hurt is there to always remind me why I want to eat but can't. The love of food and the reality of eating.