When your life plan collapses into a heap of reality, when all the hope and dreams implode into a pile of dust in your mind, and when all the ideas you had for your life with and after the plan dissolve on the floor of your thoughts, what do you do then?
When your body betrays you from age and genes and robs you of your plan to be fit and healthy with and after your life plan, and all the effort to get healthy don't work and all the work to be fit won't get you back to where you were, what do you do then?
When your mind becomes tired from the weight of all the lost hopes and dreams, the failed attempts to keep going with your work, and the only words which come to mind are, "I don't care. Not anymore.", what do you do then?
When getting up in the morning offers little if any hope of a good day and only going to bed at night feels good, forgetting every minute of the day because you couldn't remember it anyway, and knowing sleep is the one thing you value most, what do you do then?
What do you do and how long do you wait for an answer from yourself?
Monday, February 18, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
The Grand Plan
We all have grand plans for our life. These plans evolve over our life, some get trashed, some remade or reborn anew, and some arise from our experience as we go through life. It's just part of living and part of why we individually believe we and our effort is important in life and the world.
We know that many grand plans don't survive and we keep focused on those that do survive and define our life and work, and define ourself to ourself. It is why we get up in the morning, why we go through the day, and why, at the end of the day, feel better about ourself.
Then there are times when we lose ourself and all the grand plans don't matter because we lose the passion, motivation and inspiration for the grand plan we most love and believe is important to us and our life and work. It simply disappears.
And try as we can and must, we can't find it. The only question we have then is, "What do I do now?", and we can't find an answer, for weeks, even months. You may have had similar thoughts and feelings before, but they faded as you found new hope for the grand plan, but this time that hasn't happened.
Some folks will tell you it's a sign to find something new, but you know that's just what people say, "Go find something else which interests you.", and you know it's not true, both what they say, because it's just an empty, mindless thought or question, and what you know.
You don't want to do or find something new. You love what you were doing, only the passion disappeared. It's what you wanted to show the world, what you wanted people to know who you are, and what you know defines you.
You know that but you still can't find what happened to the passion. You have ideas why, but ideas and why doesn't change anything, not even your thinking, the proverbial, "Yes, I know.", answer we give ourself without realizing what we know let alone we know anything is actually truthful.
And the question remains and continues to haunt us, "What do I do now?"
We know that many grand plans don't survive and we keep focused on those that do survive and define our life and work, and define ourself to ourself. It is why we get up in the morning, why we go through the day, and why, at the end of the day, feel better about ourself.
Then there are times when we lose ourself and all the grand plans don't matter because we lose the passion, motivation and inspiration for the grand plan we most love and believe is important to us and our life and work. It simply disappears.
And try as we can and must, we can't find it. The only question we have then is, "What do I do now?", and we can't find an answer, for weeks, even months. You may have had similar thoughts and feelings before, but they faded as you found new hope for the grand plan, but this time that hasn't happened.
Some folks will tell you it's a sign to find something new, but you know that's just what people say, "Go find something else which interests you.", and you know it's not true, both what they say, because it's just an empty, mindless thought or question, and what you know.
You don't want to do or find something new. You love what you were doing, only the passion disappeared. It's what you wanted to show the world, what you wanted people to know who you are, and what you know defines you.
You know that but you still can't find what happened to the passion. You have ideas why, but ideas and why doesn't change anything, not even your thinking, the proverbial, "Yes, I know.", answer we give ourself without realizing what we know let alone we know anything is actually truthful.
And the question remains and continues to haunt us, "What do I do now?"
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