Found in Passing

"I discovered that I am tired of being a person. Not just the person I was, but any person at all."  - Susan Sontag

But I'm not

I'm not someone else, and I can't be someone else. I'm still me. No matter how much I want to wish and hope. Change is possible but only within what I've been given, who I am, and only within what's possible, who I can be. Anything else or beyond is just hope and wishful thinking, unattainable except in my mind, and often my dreams.

Better or happier

I was thinking out loud again, the advantages of living alone. Like someone is going to hear me let alone answer. And the old saying, if either happens, you're in trouble. Anyway, I was wonder if it's better to be or feel better or happier. Feeling better is relative to where we are mentally and how we think. Feeling happier is the state of the feeling, relative to where we are emotionally and how we feel.

Feeling Better or Good

Feeling better or feeling good. Big difference. Feeling better and feeling good. Not so much but can be very much so. It's all, as they say, relative to where you were, where you are and where you want to be, or at least should be relative to be being "normal" again. Or at least that's the way I feel, or wish I feel.

Things

Sometimes I have things to do and sometimes I am doing things. That's normal, we all have both things, to do and doing, but it's when the doing slows and then stops and the to do becomes the only things that I know I'm in trouble, mentally. This is due to two reasons.

First, I like to focus on a few things at a time and really only one for short periods of days to a few weeks, like the photo guide updates and additions. I do the same for my photography projects where I can set the studio up and shoot for days or take several photo trips and then spend days processing images, or set up the photo card print and production work and produce hundreds of photo cards.

Second, I feel overwhelmed when there are too many things, more than a few, to do, like working on the photo of the Minolta equipment to sell, putting the (700) records into iTunes, the photo guides, cleaning out my storage area, and so on. It's what's happening now, all those and more.

And when that happens I don't do much if anything. So I often park those undone things out of sight, like boxes of records, shelves of photo equipment, etc., but it doesn't remove them from my mind. And there they sit piled around places at home and in my mind, where the weight just overwhelms me and I quit.

On top of that I have the upcoming holiday season, like Christmas cards, something I didn't do much last year and have a lot of photo cards to make for myself and gift boxes. I have a number of print to produce and get framed. I have stacks of slides on the light table to scan into the computer with the other scanned and unprocessed images already there.

I have dozens of photo galleries to develop for the Website and some to convert to the newer style viewer. In short, just too much photography work let alone the rest of everything else looking at me every day. It's where everywhere and everytime I turn around there is a thing waiting for my attention and work.

And the guilt only accumulates where all my doing things become things to do.