Cheer up

Cheer up. There's always someone better off and someone worse off than you. So why do I always look at the ones better them me and feel like I'm the one at the end of the line of the worse off?

Personal Affairs

The reason I procrastinate and don't get my personal affairs in order like everyone tells you is that if I got them in order, then I know I could die and no one would wonder what I wanted. They would know.

If I don't get my affairs in order, then I know it's something I have to do before I die and I won't die until I get them in order. Very bad and stupid logic, but it works for me, or so I think, and more so I hope.

There are days

There are days when I'm so tired, tired of the problems I have with age,  my health and fitness, and my finances, tired of my life plans are failing, and just tired of myself and life, I know why I don't own a gun.

I wouldn't use it, ever, because I know there always is tomorrow when I might feel different and things may change if only a little more for the better. It's not me to do that, but it's still partly the reason I don't own a gun.

Sometimes even your own momentary thoughts are dangerous to yourself.

The Right to Choose

In the US we regard the right of the individual as a cornerstone of our human rights, the right of the individual to choose whatever is available and along with it comes the responsibility of their choice and the consequences from that choice.

So why is that right not a right, not ever a privilege, when it comes to suicide?

We don't tell soldiers who go into combat that they don't have the right to go and die for their country.

We don't tell cops they can't go into high risk situation knowing people have guns and they're likely as not to get shot if not killed.

We don't tell extreme risk takers they don't have the right to do what they want if the risk of death is real and sometimes higher than living.

We don't tell people they don't have the right to choose not to go through medical proceedures, undergo treatments or take drugs if they know the risk of dying by doing nothing is almost, if not, absolutely certain.

So why do we tell people they can't decide their live isn't in their hands if they choose to end their life?

I'm not an advocate of suicide, I didn't commit it when I chose to make it a choice, and had the chance twice in my life, but I'm not an opponent of it either. I don't think anyone has the right to demand someone can't take their life simply because they can demand it.

And they can't put guilt or shame on them about who else is affected or effected by their death or the impact of their death with their friends and in their community. That only adds to the feelings the person has about themself and of death, to push them farther away and closer to suicide.

That makes me mad to hear people talk about suicide as an idea, and madder after a family member or friend commited suicide and talk about their thoughts and feelings, their reaction, their hurt and pain. And never a mention of the person who died.

Where were they when the person was thinking and planning suicide? Often close by and often not paying attention to the signs from the person and misunderstanding or misinterpreting the person's  words about their life.

In short, they missed everything to at least get them away from the immediate plan to commit suicide if not help them on the road away from suicide. You need to understand the way back is long and slow with a boatload of issues to resolve.

I think people who are contemplating suicide and more so people who have decided to go down that road need someone to talk to, but not someone to tell them they're wrong, they're not allowed to kill themself, and they're doing something against some principle, value or religious doctrine.

People thinking and even planning suicide do an avenue away from suicide, to find someone who listens and ask questions when the person wants them to talk or ask, but not judge and certainly not lecture. Someone to just be there when the person chooses to talk, but not push or demand anything.

The only thing a person has the right to ask them is to wait until tomorrow. Wait until tomorrow when they wake up and talk some more, if they want. But in the end, it's still their decision and their right, and as much as we hate that decision, we don't have the right to say they can't.

I'm not for anyone commiting suicide, but I also know there are times when people face extraordinary circumstances or situations in their life, and suicide is an option and even a choice. And that is their right and no one else's to say otherwise.

When

When your life plan collapses into a heap of reality, when all the hope and dreams implode into a pile of dust in your mind, and when all the ideas you had for your life with and after the plan dissolve on the floor of your thoughts, what do you do then?

When your body betrays you from age and genes and robs you of your plan to be fit and healthy with and after your life plan, and all the effort to get healthy don't work and all the work to be fit won't get you back to where you were, what do you do then?

When your mind becomes tired from the weight of all the lost hopes and dreams, the failed attempts to keep going with your work, and the only words which come to mind are, "I don't care. Not anymore.", what do you do then?

When getting up in the morning offers little if any hope of a good day and only going to bed at night feels good, forgetting every minute of the day because you couldn't remember it anyway, and knowing sleep is the one thing you value most, what do you do then?

What do you do and how long do you wait for an answer from yourself?