I Don't Know

My brother was a one to two pack a day smoker from when he was 17. He drank a pint or more of hard liquor a day, more on weekends and holidays. He was what you call a funcitoning alcoholic. He could drink and still maintain a senior level job. He drank and smoked because of his addiction for them and to get away from the pressue.

It was how he handled the family pressure, mostly Dad. I didn't become addicted to either, smoked once at 12 and quit. I never become addicted to alcohol or drugs, even though I like marijuana and a few other casual drugs. I never got hooked, even when I fell into deeper depression periods.

I don't know why. Even now I still don't drink. I can't really because of hemochromotosis my Dad had and doctors said I probably have it too. But I still like a drink of good sippin' whiskey or a Guiness now and then, but I hate the hangover and headaches for two-plus days.

My addiction is simply to do nothing. Is that an addiction? Being so mentally and physically tired I don't do anything and hate even trying? I don't know, but it's what I do, my addiction. Why will always be the unanswered question. Why I haven't sunk into alcohol, drugs or anything destructive. Or even food.

It's a GOK, God only knows. Maybe one day I'll know too.