Isn't Going to Happen

When you're young you can talk about what you'd like to do or be when you get older, but when you get older and you're still talking about what you want to do or be, it isnt' going to happen. There is point in your life when you realize your life is what it is and it isn't going to change much until your life isn't anymore.

I love to read print Sunday newspapes. I buy the Tacoma News Tribune, the Seattle Time and the New York Times. I'd buy the Washington Post and others but they're not available here, let alone Sunday when I got to Starbucks to get them and my doppio con panna (double espresso with whipped cream, yummy stuff).

And I love the travel and style magazine with the NY Times Magazine to see all the places I could visit or live, both of which I'd like to do, but both of which I know won't happen for a number of reason, least of all is money. After spending all of my youth traveling and moving so often as the youngest in a family of an Air Force officer, I found a home here and haven't moved since.

I sat down and counted that I've lived in twelve different places in 7 different states or countries by the time I was 18, after which I was kicked out and then lived in 12 different places in 6 different states until I was 40 when I moved to Washington where I settled down and never have moved since. I suspect I have one more move left as eventually the owners will evict everyone to replace the building, originally built in 1969.

The problem is that I dont' have the money anymore to afford a move, partly why I haven't moved since you never recover the cost of any move, and partly because I love where I live, it's large and open with a big view of the southeast with Narrows Strait in the foreground and Mt. Rainier in the background.

I tell folks I don't have to go outside to enjoy the outside, it's right out the windows where I can see everything or sit on the deck and enjoy the fresh air, my many plants and the quiet of the neighborhood (most go to work leaving it quiet during the daytime). And I can always just open and the doors and windows to let the wind and air into the place to clear everything out.

But I've always wanted to find a place I want to die. This place isn't it, but I haven't found it either, and I'm not sure I will find it. For many, really almost all, of us, we don't die when and where we most want to be. Very few of us die where we want to find our last moments. The choice often isn't ours anymore, but others, usually family, medical people or government folks.

Which is why I keep looking, why I keep hoping, and why I keep wanting to find the last place I want to live and quietly find my last moments. That's not to say if circumstances were bad enough that death was an immediately reality I haven't found a place to just sit and die, out of sight of everyone wanting to intervene. I have and will never tell anyone.

But it's where I want to live quietly these last years enjoying life. Everywhere in the world is frought with problems and issues, usually economic or financial where living there would cost more than here and most likely beyond my means, meaning my annuity and savings. So until I find that place, here I live, a place I enjoy life, just not die.

But moving to that best place likely isn't going to happen, not in my lifetime. Well, maybe, because you just never know.