What's Not Understood

I've read a lot of personal and blogers' Websites where they talk about being happy or finding happiness when you're down, even depressed. They always seem to think that it's all a mental and an emotional thing you can just change or "snap out of" if you try.

As I always say to them, "Yeah, right." What they don't understand or bother to consider is that for some people that's not possible because in some people their brain isn't hardwired to feel anything more than an occasional moment of happiness or any of its relative feelings.

People who have genetic, or lifelong, Dysthymia don't have the rewards center of their brain of other people. I'd say normal brain but normal is relative and these people aren't abnormal, just normal in their own way and right.

Their brains, like mine, doesn't respond to signals which we attribute to happiness. It's why they don't feel the high that drugs, alcohol, etc, other feel. Their brains need a constant input of endorphins and other natural chemicals just to have some sense of feeling good.

But often that isn't happening. It's why they see the negative side of the world, whether the greater world or their own world, the negative side of situations, and the negative side of their own life. Their natural reaction is to see and focus on the negative and about themself.

The positive side is only seen when they have exhausted all the negative side to see, know and understand it's not them, but just the situation and conditions they're in at the time. Then they can see some positive signs and light to feel a little happy.

And that's the hardest thing they do at times, just exist without instinctively plunging into the depths of being negative and feeling depressed. Treading mental water is hard work, sometimes the hardest thing they do some days.

And to tell them to get over it is totally stupid and dumb, and only makes them feel worse because they can't simply do that. It takes a lot of time, energy and discipline, often rare commodities to them. They need friends who know that and find ways to be there quietly and gently nudge them away from falling into depression.

And friends will often discover they already know that and already know what others will try to do to help, knowing these people mean well, but also knowing, for the most part, they're wasting their time on you.

These people often know the signs things aren't going well mentally and emotionally and often know how to combat them to either avoid falling faster or finding ways to stablize themselves when and where they can start to feel better.

For me the signs are not wanting to go anywhere except if I have to go, not laughing or thinking about humorous ideas, not being spontaneous and silly-stupid, and not listening to music, lots of music. And most of all not exercising.

I can't run since my pinched Siatic nerve left the front of my right leg numb from above the knee to the ankle. It buckles under stress of runing, lifting, etc. I reverted to walking long distances, like 5-6 miles a few times a week. This helped some but often not enough.

What I haven't needed are friends, my therapist, and others who tell me what to do or what to think. I need them to smile and ask me questions which makes me think about it and what I'm thinking. And that's the key, being funny and making me smile.

And change doesn't come from others. It comes from the person thinking and feeling about themselves. The others and the world provides clues and ideas, but the solution is found within the person, in their own way and in their own time.

Even then, though, it will always be a measured or an incremental change and will always reach a point for their own sense of happiness, not other people's idea of happiness. We know it's all relative and we'll take and keep what sustains us and prevents us from falling into depression, again.

That's what they don't undestand. Now if they cared enough to remember it.