Running

I read a story in the New York Times about a woman who runs to keep her depression in control, see article. I've also read the beneficial effects of running for depression. It does work for me for the periods I have run. My problem is that I'm not addicted enough to running to want to run, I have to motivate myself to run.

And when I don't or find my depression worse and can't motivate myself, I fall into a spiral common with depression. On top of that my body doesn't like running. I never got past 4 miles, and usually 3 miles tops, and never past 3 consecutive days. I know that's also about motivation, but it's also related to your body type, metabolism, and other body factors. It simply begins to quit between 3-4 miles.

It's the same with hiking. I can hike 6-8 miles a day relatively easily, and 10-12 miles some days, but never more than 2 days in a row. I know runners talk about the wall in marathons and often personal walls in their running, and for me, it's a lot closer to short than long (miles) and few than many (days). I've tried over the years to get through only to find I crash.

And as I've aged it's become harder to run and run consistently over days, then weeks and then months. Now I'm not running more often than I'm running and am almost always stuck in the mental running stage getting the mind and body back into the schedule and regime to run. And these periods are longer before I'm comfortable running and wake up thinking about running.

But that's away from the depression idea. The writer points out running acts like an anti-depressant, a natural one the body already has available. I agree from my experience. I didn't start running until I was 28 and have been running on and off ever since, except for long periods when it was realistic, like in Phoenix from spring to fall and lately here with the food issues and problems.

And once I got up to running consistently 3 miles (during and frequently) the benefits kicked in and my Dysthymia almost disappeared or at least reduced to a level it didn't matter. But that was always the fight and battle, between the persistent Dysthymia and running, and all too often running lost, with the resultant body and mind changes. And restarting was harder until it all kicked in again.

And there I am again, only at 60, it really sucks being very hard and slow, and very long. My running is a series of plateaus where for long periods, often months, whatever I do, nothing changes, and then over week, everything changes a little. Over and over, months of the same then a small improvement followed by months of the same. All the motivation, discipline and deetermination hasn't and doesn't change it.

And now it really is the choice I always say everything morning about every day, "You can get better or worse." There's no status quo, everything changes and you have the choice of which direction it goes. But past 50, all the research will tell you is that you don't really improve beyond a level, you're simply slowing the rate of decline. So better isn't really better, just relative to reality of aging.

And so now, and always in my life, it's about depression and keeping it at a minimum and in control, which isn't likely but running, and even walks or hikes, helps. And it beats all the drugs ever made for it.